There is no easy or polite way to remove a friend or relative from your bridal party. And yet, if you’re thinking of taking someone out of the lineup, you probably have a very good reason.
Perhaps you have discovered some sort of betrayal, or your friendship has deteriorated to an inverse proportion with your rising stress level (let’s face it: some friends are helpful while others are a hindrance). Maybe she is preoccupied with her own wedding plans (it wouldn’t be the first time) or she simply hasn’t made herself available for fittings, showers, or other events that require her presence. Perhaps your fiancé can’t stand her (and since you plan to spend the rest of your life with him, perhaps you should take his desires into consideration).
Whatever your reason for wanting to tell your bridesmaid to take a hike, it is still a situation that should be handled delicately if you want any chance of hanging onto your friendship.
Be Honest
Honesty is almost always the best policy, so you should probably attempt to dispense with the flattering lies (which she will likely see through anyway). However, you can tell the truth in such a way that it doesn’t make your ex-bridesmaid feel as slighted. If she’s annoying you to the point of homicidal thoughts with her constant advice and recriminations, simply let her know that the fact that she clearly finds you incompetent and utterly incapable of planning your own wedding is making it difficult to be around her. And since you value her friendship, you don’t want to ruin it in the course of your wedding, so you would much rather she shared in your special day from the spectator seats (preferably the nosebleed section).
Or Not…
However, there are certain occasions when you might have to tell a little white lie. Hey! It’s your wedding and you want to get through it with the least amount of stress possible. So if you are done dealing with a bridesmaid who simply isn’t available, but you know she tends to deflect blame and take everything personally (to an extreme degree), avoid the drama by simply telling her that a sister or other relative you previously asked has suddenly become available and you have to include family first (of course, you will then have to follow through by finding a suitable substitute). But she may be more understanding of this type of excuse than one that involves any shortcomings on her part.
Texting?
On the other hand, you may not have a friendship left to salvage, in which case you should break up with her by text. This is terribly rude and should get the point across without the need for any messy confrontations. And since you don’t plan on seeing her again, you don’t have to worry about patching things up. However, the best way to avoid the sticky wicket of un-choosing a bridesmaid is to pick the right ones in the first place.
Sisters, cousins, and lifelong friends are usually a good bet, but make sure their personalities mesh with yours and that when the chips are down, they’re going to do everything in their power to ensure that your wedding day goes off without a hitch.
This article was written exclusively for STL Weddings by Sarah Danielson. Sarah writes for Online Doctoral Degrees where you can find information about various online colleges and find the school and program that is right for you.
